brilliant

a rush of emotion creates tidal waves
strange and beautiful and haunting
the ins and outs of how we behave
a longing that leads to constant wanting

i know there is a love so deep
strange and beautiful but daunting
something this pure i want to keep
a longing that leads to constant wanting

hang on elliott

hang on elliott
the tides have a tendency to change
that light you are trying to seek
convinces you that you are weak
you are careening off the edge
everything you pushed off to the side
now there is nowhere left to hide
that knife on the cold counter
it never uttered a single word
now your sadness is forever cured
hang on elliott
although you are no longer here
all that is left are your pretty songs
that lull me to a peaceful sleep

with love

i am so glad you are here
you smooth the unfortunate ripples
you bring about a clear reflection
i am so glad you are near

i am so glad you believe in me
when i agreed to lay myself bare
you took me in with love
that is why i am glad you are here
i am so glad you are here

little light!!!!

little light peaking through
longing to be an open view

curious in its enchantment

beautifully malcontent
little light be my everything
understanding all your meaning

curious how you disappear

things torn asunder i hold so dear

plans

the son of god touched my heart
and the pain i felt made me cry
juggling all possibilities
i have no idea why

too many things that passed
have lit a fire in my eyes
the need for your presense
keep my eyes up to the skies

the skin that i tore as a child
is the skin i live with now
empty words that have been said
much more than i would allow

my grandfather once told me
that i would grow to be a fine man
for him to kiss his grandchildren
that was our own little plan

it snowed when i visited my grandfather
as he rested on a grassy plain
to have him just for another day
i would give all the blood in my veins

i am older but nothing is clear
as i stand alone in this massive world
i hope to be strong one day
enough to walk away from it all

the son of god will touch my heart
wherever i choose to go
once the pain ceases to persist
there i will make my home

these things i adore

this grassy hill where i once laid
my shadow clung onto the ground
happy to know i was never afraid
there was not a single sound

to the very top where i once climbed
smelling the foliage all the while
happy to know i had all the time
i have the greatest smile

such a pretty place that i once knew
that settled my trembling heart
all i need..through and through
let us never be apart

blessed soul

i heard that the roof of your heart
is where all the angels take flight
it is so beautiful i heard them say
their eyes so pure and white

they say you have no idea
the beauties that come from you
and that every single doubt you have
makes it that much more true

i don't know if they are right
because my eyes are black
but now i pray all the time
waiting for an answer back

chapter 21

right now yes i will go
careful not to let it show
as painful as it can get
something i won't soon forget.

i am not worth your time

the white on the walls will suffice
for my eyes to stare into infinite space
constant sensations through my spine
delight me during my lowest lows
lift me up as i get higher and higher
walking though crowded hallways
curious girls will try to make eye contact
and i am happy to avoid them all

lonesome me

here i am
lonesome me
standing in the shadows

there you are
troubled you
waiting for the light

these are days when i yearn
for days that won't come back
these are times when i wonder
about what could have been

it elicits feelings i can't stand
feelings i cannot swallow
& as blessed as my life has been
i am greedy and i am selfish

grass

daniel cracked his knuckles
and all his fingers ran away
now he is left with two fists
that pound on the concrete
molly was eating grass
to grow a garden on the inside
after all the grass was gone
she licked up all the dirt

when molly saw daniel's fingers
she ate them one by one
each crunch gave her such joy
as the blood ran down her chin
when daniel heard what happened
he threw her off the slide
ripped open molly's stomach
but all he found was grass

all of my spirit

my appearance changes everyday

to keep up with my changing views

when i sit alone my legs they sway

quite content with nothing to lose

when the sun comes my eyes are open

waiting for the rush of the day

though i still stumble now and again

there is nothing that will get in my way

sometimes i look down as i walk

to see my long legs take their strides

and to myself i will laugh and talk

about things i had set to the side

there is no doubt about what i want

except how i am going to get it

my whispers scream out nonchalant

so that i can appear rather unfit

there are times when i want to drive

straight off the highest cliff

and during my never ending dive

i can spill all my guts

the things i could never admit

i think everyone is beautiful

so i do not like to stand with anyone

loose strings i would like to pull

and watch everything come undone

i write to convince myself

that there is something i am good at

though i belong on the highest shelf

collecting dust, that is what i am good at

when i see a tree i want to climb it

so i can enjoy the view all alone

and with all of my spirit

i realize how much i have grown

people will stay and people will pass

carving their names onto my heart

everyone from the first to the last

will forever be in my heart

we are vampires

listless apprehension with dancing feet
pouting away in the backseat
messages dry on the concrete
girls proclaiming that i am sweet

but i am a vicious vampire
leading my very own choir
listen as our voices go higher
your pretty neck we desire

oh the morning is quite alright
please don't be so uptight
showing no fear with pure delight
confrontations we shall incite

sleeping alone in the dusty attic
this rush of blood is fantastic
all signs of caring remain static
meaningless yet so melodramatic

wait for the lights to move
itching for the chance to groove
and if they do not approve
there is nothing left to prove

slow plane on a plain

with great reservation shiny lights
keep away from peaceful nights
observant kids deep in love
planes taking their time way above
every shirt carefully picked out
for that one person who was thought about
beaming faces seen through the dark
burning down every park
all the time that has been spent
images wherever they went
growing tall with new emotion
planting carnivals with full devotion
a sight for the desire to take in
permanent pictures of where they've been
true blue resting on my shoulders
with my insight just moving boulders
gratification is all that would be seeked
curious smiles for all the faces we'd meet
songs playing as the lights peek through
for inanimate objects waiting to be new

finding my way home from the peachtree party

"i've waited hours for this
i've made myself so sick 
i wish i'd stayed asleep today
i never thought this day would end 
i never thought tonight could ever be
this close to me

just try to see in the dark
just try to make it work
to feel the fear before you're here 
i make the shapes come much too close
i pull my eyes out
hold my breath
and wait until i shake

but if i had your faith
then i could make it safe and clean
if only i was sure
that my head on the door was a dream"

ive 'fuerunt super naviculam

i've been on a boat
just sailing through the sea
towards a destination i can't see
overcast weather delights my senses
as i continue to trek forward
towards a destination i can't see
a rusty boat for me alone
on the deck i have carved a name
in the hull the darkness remains
like the destination i can't see
just sailing through the sea
standing on the bow
looking straight ahead
this is how i wish to be
all alone with the sea

like it is

hey little butterfly..i want you to know
the beauty of you is all that is held
with every revision to let it all show
things that leave me utterly compelled

hey little butterfly..land on my head
settle in with the smoke i exhale
your days are hanging by a thread
wings that grow so frail

bye little butterfly..this is quite sad
hang my head low, wipe my eyes
when all that is good has gone bad
nothing to do but hide in disguise

oh little butterfly..i hardly knew ya
what were the colours i once knew so well
your many perfections and pointless flaws
with many questions i sit and dwell

wow little butterfly..you did a number on me
opened my eyes to what i have not seen
sitting alone on a cut down tree
determined alone to come out clean

rest by the garden you called your home
no more sunlight...no more hate
left to fly...left to roam
my little butterfly..you've made it great

the contours of your body
whittle away with absolute clarity
this misery is funny
with its honest sincerity

scatter my soul

empty focus, scatter brained
losing touch without a doubt
with empty colours i have been stained
there is a desperate need to break out

i love the rain
hot, hot sun drains my soul
just sitting on an empty train
little fragments of my control

off on the side
desperately hopeful
wishing for ears so i can confide
many words that knock my skull

nobody thinks so nobody knows
what do these illusions mean
i want to make your radiance grow
beautiful things that can be seen

deep in the forest
there was once a fire
clean cut images i am blessed
my heart is on fire

i am in love
with childish possibilities
sitting way up above
unreachable capabilities

with the sky real low
my arms reach so high
i want to make your atmosphere grow
and in it you will fly

i went for a swim
in the allure of perfect harmony
as i drown the lights grow dim
this misery is funny

avalanche

i fell asleep with my window open
so an angel flew in and took me away
i know because my breath was stolen
the dusty curtains still shine and sway

i picked it out from all my nightmares
settle it slow as it falls apart
i've been having so many nightmares
that creep up slow and kill my heart

avalanche, avalanche
my heart is an avalanche
everything falls way too fast
and i am covered in snow

nate

when nate was five he counted to ten

colored his eyes with the ink from his pen

waited in the dark without a sound
to scare the girls when they came around

the colour of his walls would change
his parents were concerned...they found him strange
the doctors say that nate is sick
held him down as he would shout and kick

the walls are black just like his eyes
putting on his most excellent disguise
pretty stripes resting on his shirt
everything was perfect and nothing hurt

his hair was a mess of unconcerned excitement
straight from his bed and out the door he went
digging for worms and putting flowers in his hair
arms waving free hanging in the air

with teeth so green and tongue so dry
the blood would pour whenever he would cry
solving the questions of life in his head
instead of petting the cat he'd kiss it instead

when nate was five i saw him at the store
lying face down on the cold hard floor
waiting patiently without a sound
i hope he knows that he is profound

washed out

violet fires swaying in the wind
speaking through the air
laying it all so bare

there is a house standing all alone
constant in its stance
never had a chance

silver fox in the forest crying for the night
makes it so sincere
like the stars so crystal clear

unseen hands taking it all
may it close its grip on my neck
so my limbs go limp and my eyes roll back

stranded on a rusty ship on a restless sea
all alone with people i do not know
wishing for flames i knew long ago

my skin grows so pale along with my spirit
aging slowly as i waste away
along with this ship that bobs and sways

if dust should ever settle the rain will come
with the moonlight everything shines so bright
catching little things with pure delight

ever true is this honest journey
the line is right and always straight
just its own melancholy state

at our destination i am the anchor
down into the black of the bottom
where i was born and where i am from

there on the shore is a bed for me
under the sun my eyes are closed
images of bliss only i will know

tiny birds in unison always fly together
i can only watch in envy
just sitting by the sea

crescent hues reflect on the waters
catching it off guard
crashing down so hard

coming into view just over the horizon
slowly falling into place
ready to interlace

i have no idea where my path will lead
close my eyes as i dive right in
always a different place than where i've been

i wish to carve it into my bare skin
can i go back to where i've been
where i've been..where i've been

that useless cat just sits on that couch and does absolutely nothing

that hint of grey
between the blue and the red
that's where i need to be
that's where i need to be

maybe that feeling
going down my spine
is all that i have needed
all that could have happened
through wide-eyed nights
quizzical dreams during the day
maybe the numbness
slowly creeping to my head
is all that i have needed
all that could have happened

i count on the coming days
speeding by until i hold them in place
if i don't soak in the beauty now
i will never feel again

many stories i have been told
of past adventures from brittle lips
say that the beauties do not last
and i want to feel them now

maybe the images stored
in the depths of my soul
are all that i have needed
all that could have happened
face down in the darkness
what a waste of time
maybe this realization
is all that i have needed
all that could have happened

that hint of gray
between the blue and the red
that's where i need to be
that's where i long to be

spit out my brain
rip my heart into a million pieces
let me float on up
the moon teasing me
too far for me to reach
the ground scaring me
afraid that i will fall
as i settle
in that hint of gray
between the blue and the red
because that's where i long to be
that's where i long to be

simple & lovely

down the dried up walls
cut down long ago
but now abandoned
drip, drip, drip
down it falls like beautiful rain
i would pick it up
a canvas for my inspiration
it is, it is what i need it to be
constantly, yes, i let it bleed
paint the wooden boards
red like your pretty lips
drip, drip, drip
splatters over the clean
and innocent monster
just trying to find love
the monster just wants love
drip, drip, drip
down fall the tears
full of anguish and lost hope
i wish i could hold you
without looking like a fool
create a vast and open
lake for me to float on
drip, drip, drip
the storm gives it life
life to let live and let grow
asking for love to grow
for the beautiful and
for the very sick
i am a little pebble
trying to crawl away to
become my own pebble
past the fields of grass
through the holes that have
been dug so wide
like beautiful rain
red like your pretty lips
love for the beautiful monster
drip, drip, drip
down into the depths
and deepest desires
of all my soul and
all my wonder
wow, what joys i find
hidden away deep below
it breaks my heart
and eats me up whole
you were in my dream again
wanting to carry me
on your weary back
holding out your silver lighter
to let my cigarette burn
out the door and
away from the music
we would go
into the simple sounds
of the rain as it falls
drip, drip, drip...
drip, drip, drip

sincere & ashamed

steady eyes and a restless heart
this is who i have become
through countless times falling apart
i have ceased to come undone

dirty hands and an eager mind
who is this person i have become
all of my greatest fears combined
begging me to come undone

if god is my will there must be a way
slowly rising to the surface
coming to terms with how i have strayed
drowning as i transgress

change is slow, but change is good
see the gray start to fade away
going about it the way i should
maybe this time happiness will stay

you and me

when i think about you and me

i think of a boat lost out at sea

the storm is wild and getting worse

can we just put it in reverse

when i think about you and me

i hear a beautiful melody nearing its end

the track is stuck because you're my best friend

listen to the sound grow quiet and soft

let's just close our eyes

you and me

we are like rows of empty fields

i am a tree that cannot feel

you are hidden in the ground

and i stand here while you drown

but you and me

are the clouds in the vast sky

the lavender and comfortable sky

just waiting for the stars

to trap us in our happiness

when i think about you and me

there is no way i could settle

i am the stem and you are the petals

hang on tight and i will be your anchor

and though you'll never see

that we are perfect harmony

if you'd just hold me down and eat my eyes

my sad and true and honest eyes

when i think about you and me

i am hopeful and i am happy

as your head rests on my chest

i am hopeful and i am happy

captivating

when the butterfly flies all the colours are extra bright
helping to navigate through the night
when winter comes and the butterfly dies
i hope the colours settle into the snow so white
drowned out with wood and nails
chipping away at all the details
soaked hues let us know it was there
tracks covered over, stop a bit and stare
what beauties could be waiting in the shadows
the simplest of noises nobody knows
see it through the downpour, taste it in the air
tracks covered over, stop a bit and stare

these are words i wrote 661 days ago

and when she was little, her mother dressed her up in red
she never listened to a word her father said
it brought a smile to his face and he held on tight
they floated through the sky and with the stars at night


as the girl got older, the red began to fade
still a smile on her father, although a different shade
her mother grew some wrinkles, some of her hair now gray
but the girl was still her baby no matter what they say


now all the red is gone except the streaks along her hair
her father spoke very plainly because he did not care
his wife was ten feet underground because her heart could not go on
the sky was always empty and all the stars were gone


she sat alone in her room with autumn in full bloom
never asking any questions because she just assumed
her parents spilled out their happiness so she could consume
their every single sorrow as it came out in full bloom

fragile little bones

we are reveling with so much spirit

creating thunderstorms before we cool it

let my mind go south and my neck snap back

eyes straight up to the space jet-black

this mountain of momentum is all i can climb

peaking too early because it is never the time

purple spots were never what i had imagined

but lovely are the icebergs that i found within

spring turns to summer with stellar reservation

sharpening the hues with greater concentration

the bend is the sign that we must keep going

let the colours mature as they continue growing

may i rest in your wings and lay down my arms

hide from the monsters that haunt me from afar

with words that sink straight through my skin

speaking of things i should never believe in

help me find an island of my own

illuminate every sensation of my bones

carve your worries on the soft of my bare skin

all the things you should never believe in

i’ll build a boat for that island you'll call your own

to protect all of your fragile little bones

through the crack on the fence

the lost sheep grazes the greenest grass
that grows so tall as seasons pass
the temperature is as it should be
and the sheep it roams so calm & free


the lost sheep follows the finest scent
in every direction the sheep it went
nimble steps to a destination
an always changing destination


the lost sheep will never sleep
places to go and sights to see
goodbye sheep, go find your peace
travel far and rest in your peace

soultree

this is who i am
this is all that i will ever be
so if i die tomorrow
let the sky be blue
let the sun be blinding
for all who shall dare...
to look upon it's beauty


let them remember that
the day was perfect
that if you flew a kite
it was stuck perfectly
in midair... just floating


i count the hours before i dream
to see the colours that are never there
with all your friends
and all those you long to see
stuck in the space you long to breathe


here i am
i am close
close to the edge
but drifting with all my soultree
words conjured up from the greatest of friends
wishing so bad that
the words that you know
are the feelings instilled
in the depths of your mind
waiting to be discovered


if i was to die
i wish to be buried by a tree
nourished by all the things
people never ever notice
and i would be so happy
to be in the company
of the things people walk over
the things not given a second thought
i would be their first thought
i could be their only thought
and i would be so happy
to be there
in their presence
their only presence
the only true presence
that i could ever hope to know

under the sheets

in my restless dream

my delicate dream

i found you alone

under the blankets

under the sheets

your hair covering your eyes

your dress smooth & white

under the clouds

above the earth

i found you alone

and you spoke out loud

your every honest thought

cut through me like glass

landing soundlessly on my lips

your eyes were perfect

like the room we were in

if i never fell out of slumber

it would have been fine with us

trapped with our minds & hearts

the colours swallowed me whole

let the feelings paint the words

in my unstable dream

my volatile dream

i found you at peace

arms open wide

a smile that drew me close

under the blankets

under the sheets

nice & neat

take this time to breathe again

make it sincere so it can last

the pale tiles take in the heat

but the comfort is never there

hold your breath friend, count to ten

the time is moving way too fast

every shirt folded nice & neat

looking like you really care

awkward silence, what a burden

the easy breeze has already past

this taste in my mouth is ever so sweet

look into my eyes and i will share

tell me why the moon is golden

my reasons are fragile like glass

all the images in my head repeat

falling so fast everywhere

thank you jesus

i’ve been watching you

seen all the things you do

when you smile it hurts

you put everything in reverse

if i am a tree

you are the sun

i think i am free

but i have come undone

you free my soul

if i am a tree

there is this story i’ve been told

of all i can be

i’ve known you for so long

but you’re still my favorite song

you are the most beautiful cat

and i am just a creepy bat

i write on the walls

your heart is so tall

it keeps me afloat

my most favorite boat

thank you jesus

for my memory

the sights i still long to see

thank you jesus

for my hollow head

the simple words that have been said

thank you jesus

you are my jesus

T.I.T.F.D.O.M.L.

you are the first droplets of rain from this oncoming storm

from every direction into the seas of my soul

making your way into the trenches of my home

cutting me open and swallowing me whole

hanging on to the remaining bits of grey

wasting away as pretty flowers take its place

everyday is such a bright & beautiful day

and i am not sure what to make of this place

colours in my brain and shocks through my veins

cigarette smoke slowly killing my lungs

shocks through my veins and colours in my brain

you are a sturdy noose from where i am hung

when you are not here i whither away

floating down clouds keeping me warm

illusions of you and the fields where you lay

your wonderful heart keeps me so warm

i have not a clue what to make of this feeling of elation

afraid i have stumbled onto something too overwhelming

but my eyes stay glued to this brand new sensation

my body grows accustomed to the waters… i think i am staying

the uncertain idiot

i decide my fate like an unsure adventurer
who has come to a fork on the road

shall i flip a coin
or allow the breeze
to lead me on

if the dirt has dug its way
into the soles of my shoes
but my soul is not ready to rest

shall i lay my head down
or build a ship
to take me across

the waters they stretch far and wide
but muddy fields beckon me forth
ready to allow me to sink

time will take me forward
if my feet are willing to shuffle along

while the decisions should be mine
i quite often relent
to the direction the trees line
where the stars are brightest that night
which mountains the birds fly towards

but it is okay
i am quite okay
because being unsure
is just the way i am

being blessed with uncertainty

is just the greatest gift

everything

beautiful things make my heart smile

like gentle droplets of rain making the sidewalk shine

when the moon is at its peak

my thoughts just settle with ease

holding me together like tangled strings

i long for all of the noise to blend together

making me a fixture of all i happen to hear

everything i see becomes a portrait i consume

everything is radiant and everything is right

as i share these thoughts with you i hope that you can feel

the beauties i muster inside me can rub off on you too

my hands tremble with a sense of relief

but my state of mind is true

to look to the near distance with so much hope and wonder

if the shadows of tonight can be the sunlight of my life

i think i'll see the beauty of all that i have missed

so here's to the uncertainty that has been eating at my soul

let it eat until it is full but leave me a little room

so i can fill it with colours and mix them all together

may it pour out through my eyes and lift me from my feet

i love you jesus, i am frustrated jesus

all these uninvited whispers

stopping you in your tracks

beautiful words that slip off your tongue

grasping at the wonders still concealed

if this is what the world has become

let me float down that stream

simply and softly at ease

i follow the beautiful melody

trying in vain to replicate its meaning

may i jump off the edge or walk into the fire

so everyone can miss me

to see my acquaintances fake the tears

maybe i will become a simple melody

short and sweet

it kind of feels good when i open my eyes

i would cry with joy if i could cry at all

if this life is hell i don't want a heaven

what good is it to live life to the fullest

to have it all judged based on unreachable standards

fuck the afterlife, i am a simple melody

intertwining with beautiful masterpieces all around me

simplest sounds

i wish for the simplest sounds

to play in my ears

i wish for the simplest sounds

to lull me to sleep

i wish for the simplest sounds

to give me some balance

i wish for the simplest sounds

to let me down slow

hey i feel alright

i am a tornado

picking things up and throwing it all around

because i don't give a fuck

about anything at all

i see no way around it

please don't be a pretty little flower

because i will pick you right up

send you flying into the sky

because i don't give a fuck

about anything at all

i once had a bunch of friends

they were the coolest green seashells

but i don't know where they are now

because i sent them flying away

when i tried to hug them tight

but i know it in my head

that the reasons are so clear

it's because i don't give a fuck

hey! i don't give a fuck

about anything at all

no not anything at all

in this rough soil we have settled

we can grow up in the garden

in this rough soil we have settled

as we grow and grow so tall

we will save the light we have collected

surrounded by the fences we have come to hate

in this rough soil we have settled

if the vines go we too shall follow

the lights will draw attention

the rain will feed us, the rain will drown us

from this rough soil we are rooted

the sun will dry us, the sun will kill us

into this rough soil we will return

here's to sleeping in the meadows and living without fear

slowly creeping through the walls

eating shadows with pure delight

when the little creatures call

into the night and out of sight

holy ghost it takes me whole

constant shivers to keep me up

on a silver platter you have my soul

pouring your drink into my cup

do i dare to inhale this lovely smoke

this cold weather numbs my judgement

as soft as this quiet night we spoke

of hopeful futures and past engagements

you are a melody i cannot resist

killing shadows without a second thought

but under the golden moon is something we missed

little creatures they called and here we were brought

calm seas and white clouds

there is a chance there is more meaning to this noise

like unrealistic expectations playing back in my head

reaching for greater wants hanging by a thread

i never did a thing to expect anything more

a thousand ideas in my head left me so sore

just let it seep a little into my empty core

all i ever wanted was to be the pavement

to let a thousand words find its way into the cracks

make me so strong, fill me with what i lack

i never did a thing to deserve anything more

there is a meaning behind the reasons i exist

hidden behind the details that i've missed

if i am reduced to ambiguity, so be it

all will be settled once i find my beautiful home

calm seas and white clouds once i claim my true love

calm seas and white clouds

i navigate my ship through the currents

calm seas and white clouds

i know you are more than the pages of this book

calm seas and white clouds

all i want is to die in unmistakable happiness

calm seas and white clouds

i will not stop until all i can see is

calm seas and white clouds

oh magnetic fields

magnetic fields pull me in

it doesn't matter where i've been

if i don't fight it'll be alright

i am inclined to lose my sight

make me feel what has eluded me

help me see what i cannot see

magnetic fields pull me in

retrace the steps as i begin

as the cool winds reach great heights

all i am is a lonely little kite

the pieces fall in place around me

so hold your lips and leave me be

magnetic fields are you my true love

am i to float away and up above

i count the stars all the way home

every night is a different home

but in my mind, just magnetic fields

with all my being, oh magnetic fields

this lovely tree

the tree in the forest has roots

that stretch through the solemn ground

interlocking with mind and soul

so beautiful in all its truth

the nests in its shade are full of life

taking refuge on the branches, in the leaves

when time goes by they drift away

and just like that nothing was ever there

if i could i would climb up real high

to lay my head and rest my feet

let the roots take in my weariness

my mind will drift away

as the sun goes down my eyes will follow

this majestic tree is all i need

if i die it will be up high

this lovely tree is all i will be

pretty sails

my intent is heartfelt

like my pen pressing

onto this empty plain paper

my attempt is juvenile

meaning the best but

going about it all wrong

oh, what am i trying to accomplish

all i want is the feeling

that leaves me at ease

but the world does not agree

and my handwriting grows sloppy

my head it hurts

my pulse is faint

the only thing that makes me

happy is the smile on your face

even though you don't really care

you pierce my soul

and steal my heart

so now i know i have a heart

and if all i ever saw was red

my blood could be the entire ocean

i would be your boat

you could be my sails

i swear i'd never let us sink

if you'd guide us from the storm

you can trust me

i am all too trustworthy

because my attempt to give

my intent to love

are the things i wear

on my empty sleeve

you can feel my heart

and my blood piercing red

somnium and spes, you take my life

i dreamt through young eyes last night

with so much hope and all my wonder

every new day my mind was clear

with all my hope and so much wonder

oh i tried so hard to sink to the bottom

so i could look to the surface in complete silence

when the ringing in my head dies down

and the shaking of my arms is gone

maybe the colours will slowly creep back in

dreams and hopes and all these words

i couldn't care less i couldn't care less

expectations for the coming tide

i couldn't care less i couldn't care less

i am a daffodil withering away

standing tall as i droop and droop

you give me sunlight and nourish my soul

it's just too bad i couldn't care less

childish thoughts

i love the night

with stars so bright

to hold your hand

i think i'd die

when the sun comes up

my eyes are closed

to hold your hand

in all my dreams

you are the river

flowing free

to go on for

eternity

i am the sky

to take you in

so be my clouds

be my night

i'd love you so

i'd love you so

with all my heart

i'd love you so

devil in the forest

the devil is in the forest
he is calling out my name

the devil is in the forest

he says we are the same

the rising sun i follow

he says it is his heart

my every single sorrow

every beat of his cold heart

when i turn to you my lord

you keep your hands to your side

when i fall to you my lord

you never ever try

heaven's gates are rusting

i long to be on the other side

but my eyes are still adjusting

so i stand back up to try

the devil is in the forest

he is calling out my name

the devil is in the forest

i hope we aren't the same

sulk in happiness

the kinds of things i hold most dear

blinds my heart and shows no fear

and if i fall let me go headfirst

fill my lungs with what i most thirst

i am pulled to shreds and passed around

my mind left to roam places unfound

the kinds of things i love to fear

to find my heart and hold it dear

black and blue in all i do

when i am going fast, really really fast

i like to stay steady as i stay the course

because if i ever stop i get the urge to lay down

shut down all my emotions and feelings

let the colours change and pass on by

because i will never feel again

like the moment when my eyes get heavy

the cold unforgiving floor calling me home

my body goes limp along with my strength

as my eyes close i feel no shame

let the colours fade but stay the same

because i can never care again

the morning comes with the brightest hues

but all i see is the blackest of blacks

you see, as much as i did not want to close my eyes

i have become satisfied with all my complacency

the feelings and emotions and all of my pain

to be washed away with the retreating tide

it would be lovely but i know i am not that strong

so the colours were never there

but here i sit with my paintbrush and blank canvas

ready to see where my eyes take me today