conversations with

turn back the pages
if the sun don't shine anymore
rip off the scars
to show that the pain is yours

when we swallow our pride
only to realize we're dreaming
constant reminders
that are never really redeeming

two stars in the sky
when there are a thousand more
hidden by your limitations
but reflecting on the shore

if i was a wolf
i'd be shot up by a coward's gun
which makes me lucky
because i would have surely run

inside my closet's closed
bed sheets but rippling waves
curtains shut out the lights
that i'm sure i sorely crave

one day i'll surely die
and i hope i die happy
where i'll go i don't know
but i hope i'm happy

not so bad after all

when the weight of the world pulls you down like stones
the chills that you feel reach inside all your bones
& when you've come to believe that you are alone
know that it is not so bad after all
only for a moment you'll feel so small

when the colors of your life fly away like birds heading west
coming up short when you've given your best
& when you've taken your time but created a mess
know that it is not so bad after all
depression is lonely so depression will call

when you lie all alone and wish you were dead
the surface so close but you're sinking instead
& when those thoughts that you have just spread and they spread
know that it is not so bad after all
puff up your chest and stand up tall
all of us try and all of us fall
it really is not so bad after all

space explorer

i am but a lonely space explorer
voyaging through every corner
this decrepit ship i call my home
loneliness for the sins i atone 
last planet that i reached was dead
all their heads filled up with lead
so on to the next star i crawl
for faces in a dream i saw
the life of a lonely space explorer
author of this boundless horror

# 253

i am glad to be alone
selfish and ashamed
straight down to the bone
everything stays the same

the sun it comes and goes
like it always has before
just now a bit more slow
burns me to the core

dreams are only dreams
there to pass the time
only in my dreams
our spirits still intertwine

today i was alone
eating at my thoughts
all the things i know
the happiness it brought

but i am glad to be alone
i swear, i swear, i swear
straight down to the bone
everything i lay bare

settle

i wish i was the moon
gentle fluorescent hues
and as crazy as it may sound
i'd settle right next to you

i trust that the waves
will carry everything from view
except the light i shine
as i settle right next to you

i don't understand

the lions roar and the trees they stand
maybe someday i will understand
the world is an ocean and i am a grain of sand
maybe someday i will understand

sometimes

sometimes i wish i could see what you see

i wonder if you are as numb as me

if i could ever dive into you

would i find something new

my gaze is still but i am anxious

everything's still but my heart it races

i am lonely but i get used to the silence

because i guess sometimes...
silence is all that makes sense

blue fluorescence

many feelings in remission
take control of this transmission
can you see the surface
greenish yellow fluorescence
i let my mind wander far
now its a little tiny star
juxtaposed is my mind
makes it easy to find
can i run
i know i am willing
can we have fun
now i'm just chilling
longing for deep comfort
i am willing to hurt
dreaming of the same thing
reruns make my heart sting
all alone and tired of seeing
the dull colours of my ceiling
i am my own nuisance
acting with such pretense
waiting for this drone to end
i won't have to blend in
seem to be trapped in this bubble
but am i really trapped in this bubble
i don't know
it's hard to tell
i don't want to know
but it's hard to tell

fly me to neptune

i'm autonomous, i'm anonymous
why does everybody bother us
i'm full of it, i'm full of shit
breaking me down bit by bit
if i was yours and you were mine
what gives you the right to change my mind
i am a knight with no shining armour
a weary ship seeking its harbour
i am a bird with wings that do not fly
as i fall from the sky...


goodbye.

play it cool

all i ever wish to do
is drown in you
in all of you.
when you feel like going to sleep
i am here for you
i play it cool.
every morning
is another reason i'm holding
my head up so you can see
just for you i am moving.
are you a bird?
i am sorely convinced
i love you bird
you are true with all meaning.
when i sit at home
dressed all nice for you to call
my hair is perfect
even though you don't care at all.
and i want you to know
nothing compares to you
i love you so
just so you know.

my ghost friend

if i had a ghost friend
he would float at my right
breathe onto my face
to keep it clean and white

where i would wander
he would follow
stretch out my insides
to keep me hollow

my mouth would never open
i knew not to speak
that little ghost
so mild and meek

if i had a ghost friend
he would stumble to my left
and realize what he had done
i would try to forget

me and my ghost friend
we rise to the ceiling
me and my ghost friend
what a wonderful feeling

black and blue

what do you think my hands are made for
when i reach out to touch you
what do you think goes through my mind
when i see the things you do
i clear my head but you always remain
wonder what that could mean
sometimes i wish i could lose all emotion
to know how it feels to be clean
break my jaw to see who i am
would you watch me jump from this ledge
it seems you know exactly who you are
how do you deal with losing your edge
is it nice knowing you are my everything
you colour my eyes and keep me near
is it a burden being my everything
sometimes it is nice to disappear
what do you think when i say i love you
the thought turns me black and blue
like the bottom of the sea...all black and blue

heavens yes

scattered clouds make for scattered minds
help me decipher the things i find
so unique and perfect in every way
what a perfect day

there is enough time to gather my thoughts
every intricate detail that i've caught
the sunshine keeps distractions away
what a perfect day

fever

i want you to know i'm a mountaintop

seeing what you keep hidden so deep

i am so sorry but i can never stop

losing myself within the promises i keep

you are a storm, you rock me good

you rock me like anyone should

will you be my crystal, my only mirror

look for you to look back clearer

despite the fever that keeps me awake

the tremors that shake my dancing bones

i want to see what we can make

when we put together our aching souls

my brother sleeps past the rise of the sun

i have my eyes to watch for two

my long legs so i can always run

searching far and wide for someplace new

i won't beg...i will never plead

to hold you close for eternity

i will just get better...you will see

every single thing i will be

hey sweetie

hey sweetie, why can't you see
that i'm the only loser you'll ever need
i'll spit out blood and break my back
be the one to fill the things you lack
hold you up when the tide comes in
be your sunshine when the day begins
listen close to your endless rambling
i'll be the songs you love to sing
if you trip you can fall into me
i am the only loser you'll ever need
you break my heart a thousand times
but i come crawling back a thousand more
i am the star watching you at night
while you sleep tight
because you'll never know
never ever know
never ever ever
you will never
ever ever know