chapter 21

right now yes i will go
careful not to let it show
as painful as it can get
something i won't soon forget.

i am not worth your time

the white on the walls will suffice
for my eyes to stare into infinite space
constant sensations through my spine
delight me during my lowest lows
lift me up as i get higher and higher
walking though crowded hallways
curious girls will try to make eye contact
and i am happy to avoid them all

lonesome me

here i am
lonesome me
standing in the shadows

there you are
troubled you
waiting for the light

these are days when i yearn
for days that won't come back
these are times when i wonder
about what could have been

it elicits feelings i can't stand
feelings i cannot swallow
& as blessed as my life has been
i am greedy and i am selfish

grass

daniel cracked his knuckles
and all his fingers ran away
now he is left with two fists
that pound on the concrete
molly was eating grass
to grow a garden on the inside
after all the grass was gone
she licked up all the dirt

when molly saw daniel's fingers
she ate them one by one
each crunch gave her such joy
as the blood ran down her chin
when daniel heard what happened
he threw her off the slide
ripped open molly's stomach
but all he found was grass

all of my spirit

my appearance changes everyday

to keep up with my changing views

when i sit alone my legs they sway

quite content with nothing to lose

when the sun comes my eyes are open

waiting for the rush of the day

though i still stumble now and again

there is nothing that will get in my way

sometimes i look down as i walk

to see my long legs take their strides

and to myself i will laugh and talk

about things i had set to the side

there is no doubt about what i want

except how i am going to get it

my whispers scream out nonchalant

so that i can appear rather unfit

there are times when i want to drive

straight off the highest cliff

and during my never ending dive

i can spill all my guts

the things i could never admit

i think everyone is beautiful

so i do not like to stand with anyone

loose strings i would like to pull

and watch everything come undone

i write to convince myself

that there is something i am good at

though i belong on the highest shelf

collecting dust, that is what i am good at

when i see a tree i want to climb it

so i can enjoy the view all alone

and with all of my spirit

i realize how much i have grown

people will stay and people will pass

carving their names onto my heart

everyone from the first to the last

will forever be in my heart

we are vampires

listless apprehension with dancing feet
pouting away in the backseat
messages dry on the concrete
girls proclaiming that i am sweet

but i am a vicious vampire
leading my very own choir
listen as our voices go higher
your pretty neck we desire

oh the morning is quite alright
please don't be so uptight
showing no fear with pure delight
confrontations we shall incite

sleeping alone in the dusty attic
this rush of blood is fantastic
all signs of caring remain static
meaningless yet so melodramatic

wait for the lights to move
itching for the chance to groove
and if they do not approve
there is nothing left to prove

slow plane on a plain

with great reservation shiny lights
keep away from peaceful nights
observant kids deep in love
planes taking their time way above
every shirt carefully picked out
for that one person who was thought about
beaming faces seen through the dark
burning down every park
all the time that has been spent
images wherever they went
growing tall with new emotion
planting carnivals with full devotion
a sight for the desire to take in
permanent pictures of where they've been
true blue resting on my shoulders
with my insight just moving boulders
gratification is all that would be seeked
curious smiles for all the faces we'd meet
songs playing as the lights peek through
for inanimate objects waiting to be new

finding my way home from the peachtree party

"i've waited hours for this
i've made myself so sick 
i wish i'd stayed asleep today
i never thought this day would end 
i never thought tonight could ever be
this close to me

just try to see in the dark
just try to make it work
to feel the fear before you're here 
i make the shapes come much too close
i pull my eyes out
hold my breath
and wait until i shake

but if i had your faith
then i could make it safe and clean
if only i was sure
that my head on the door was a dream"