déjà écrit: nine

i'm afraid i have lost all feeling long ago
all that i love is falling beyond what i can control
fond memories i have stitched onto my throbbing skin
only to be covered up again and again
the sun raises me up so the moon can lull me to sleep
uncontrollable patterns i unexpectedly keep
i am trying to find happiness and it rips me apart
walking through darkness to end up back at the start
why can't i understand what keeps you afloat
finding a different route to what we both devote
i will go walking again in a brand new direction
fumbling because i'm blind for my own conviction
i am truly alone and that's fine with me
i have come to terms with what everyone sees
a failure, a no one, a terrible waste of breath
but i'm afraid i cannot sink, there is no regret
the only feeling i long for is all that i can take
aged with all my mistakes but still i am awake
to fake the smiles, speak my lies, hold myself together
to secretly but sincerely miss the hell out of you

to miss the hell out of you,
the hell out of you.
it rings in my head..
i miss the hell out of you.

déjà écrit: neon wings

his little eyes so full of life, searching far & wide
spreading his little neon wings eager to soar into the sky
but staring at the drop below, the little bird chirped up and cried,
"oh mother, i feel so helpless & weak each and every night
like you at every break of dawn, how i long to fly
i wish to see the beauties that lie past my meager sight
this nest is but a burden and mother i can see the light
to breathe new air & touch the clouds & find a life for me
to glide past the trees of this forest straight over the sea
my mind it wanders past my grasp into realms i cannot be
all the things i need to touch, the things that i must see
i will count the stars every night till they fill up in my mind
fly as fast as i possibly can to leave the other birds behind
oh mother, my intentions are as true as the colours of your wings
to turn my heart into pure gold with whatever this life brings
my name echoes from far away and how it beckons me so strong
i have known this feeling all along, i know where i belong."

déjà écrit: closer unknown pleasures

better, better, better, better
waves like thunder and we're together
bent on the constant need to destroy
holding it all in simple utter joy
spread out so neatly like strawberry jam
down in the basement like cowards we ran
the fire is spreading so fast in the hallway
locked with your eyes how they elegantly sway
this is the way you captured my heart
knocking my emotions since the very start
counter melody just for my own elation
no sudden movements just bittersweet sensation
fire, fire, fire, fire all around
it's your call baby doll, but here comes the ground

déjà écrit: oh those silly shadows

our failures cut us deep down all over
stuck in the elevator so call the operator
my favorite shirt is drenched in red
poured from my eyes the blood i have shed
hello good sir can you help a poor fellow in need
dropping like mountains with such great speed
thirteen, nine, six, five, two
make it stop is all i ask of you
i like to think of myself as not too obsolete
holding my own ground too proud for defeat
ticking life away in the blink of an eye
but why so low when you can make it that high
playing with my shadows until the lights retreat
so calm and serene oh so full of deceit
one, zero, down and down and down i go
hey, i'm dead now. just so you know

déjà écrit: dumb

these bits of what we hold so close
force it down in a single dose
sit still and it will come
lock arms cause we're that dumb
easy come and easy go
really nothing down below
cross my heart and hope to die
rely on faith so we don't have to try
follow your heart and you will find
inanimate objects while you were blind
so useless, i was never inclined
until you helped me find my mind

déjà écrit: the ever so persistant light that pushes through the cracks

and when the sun went south, the lights bled in from out of sight
i held my breath so hopeful i could see my lungs ignite
so my eyes could illuminate this night with colours true as you
with all this i will find my niche, with all this i've imbued

countless times with this alone, i let it run free in and out
it filled me to the brim with shame, it filled me up with doubt
i felt so weak in this little shell my mother gave to me
so arduous and so constrained that only i could set it free

the ins and outs of my regrets have made me a stronger man
or a boy with hope strapped to his heart, a kid with a master plan
i've stopped timing my every single move scared of what was coming next
like my older friend with his safe sex, like you ever so perplexed

i sit here hoping you're still there, thinking the world of me
missing every single time we sat together knee to knee
my hands can only hold on to the things that i despise
wishing i could let myself go and rise up to the skies

déjà écrit: this is your life and it's ending one minute at a time

this is all i am, time set aside for a later time
when the path is free from all that's turned you on
forcing the memories of you out of my mind
the far away view beckons me forth, so come on come on

i blow in the wind like your ugly hair in the fall
letting my mind relapse as i take in this new belief
holding my breath as i fall, as i hear them call
into the arms of those i name my new found relief

i am a golden leaf that stands out amongst the rest
the one too strong to fall, too beautiful to pick
well, you did pick me and let me float to the west
into the arms of the beautiful pacific

down i will go, into the depths of the sea
a tiny golden sparkle lost in the beauty of blue
no heavy hearts as you cut down that old fucking tree
dissolving into nothing so i can start anew

hey god, i've been looking and there's no sight of you
i look up to only see the blue and the white
the sun and the moon are the only things i find i true
but it is okay, i truly believe i have seen the light

these eyes are weary for the times yet to come
all skin and bones but the weight i will control
for the hideous monster i will eventually become
i feel uneasy for the results of this heavy toll

"but i have promises to keep,
and miles to go before i sleep,
and miles to go before i sleep..

but i have promises to keep,
and miles to go before i sleep,
and miles to go before i sleep."

déjà écrit: good morning sunshine

cast your light on me alone
shine on me and make me known
illuminate my every bone
sit back to watch this soul atone

cast your light baby don't be shy
you never know if you never try
focus here and watch me die
no big deal for a quick good bye

cast your light and say a prayer
for this small ill advised affair
close your eyes you were never there
nothing here but simple air

my eyes are tuned to black and white
do your worst to make things right
i have endured enough of the night
so cast your light to my delight

to my delight
my delight
good morning sunshine
you're no longer mine

déjà écrit: top of the world

we can fill in all the gaping holes
let loose the grip that holds us close
turn away from all bad things
conjure up what we want to see

i am free and all alone
to find my way to this now known
as everything i've wanted from the start
my vision is set as clear as can be

a majestic sight for all to see!
with all my friends and friends to be
past lovers along with future lies
settling into my watery eyes

this may melt my skin and break my bones
a small consequence of my spontaneity
and as i struggle to keep my head afloat
my body will go limp.. down i will go

down to the depths of my deepest desires
you naked and bare and arms so wide open
all my questions answered in a form of a book
a stairway to heaven, yes! my own little heaven

no ticks and tocks for i move the hands of time
the pool of blood is just a reminder of the past
this aching body tells of a work well done
stretches of silence to enjoy the sound of your breath

the leaves they turn red when i happen to cry
the leaves they fall when i finally die
trees so vast and plenty so i can blend in
just one tiny axe so all my chances agree

i am nobody even though you are somebody
somebody to love with everything to hate
you are a wall i realize i can never climb
i bask in the shade you unwillingly cast

through times like these i hope you jump right in
although the empty look in your eyes keeps me away
it can only get better, says the smile on your face
the end is near, so sprint straight on ahead