wake up

my eyes are young
but they are weary
they carry the weight
of all i've ever hated
i swore i would be pure
to have an open mind
but it's like torture here
to be a nobody
i love the sun, the cloud, and moon
i'd love you too, but you're worlds away
not in sight, but in mind
i have opened my mind too wide
and you are on the other side
my skin is pale, my hair is dull
like my heart, which does not belong
there is only one world for me
and that is not enough
i need to leave, to see what's in store
find that life that will leave me craving
craving for more
not wanting to forget
like fucking southern california
where this abomination resides
here counting down the time
just to start over again
i need to find my true colors
see the change in my eyes
to write down honest words
take this wholehearted walk
to the other side
where my soul belongs
i will be all you've ever wanted
not full of shit, but full of love
love spelled on your wrists
lying by the edge of the river
as the tips of the water
edge closer, and closer
take me with you
swallow me whole
i will flow free and fast
to the ocean
take me to the ocean
to the ends of the world
i want to see snow
the beautiful green fields
no lies, no blasphemy
the ability to find myself
wandering alone
alone with determination
with love, with a destination
i will find you one day
arms open wide
mind ready to take you in
throw me the rope
pull in these terrible things
that make up all i've ever lived for
rip it apart, throw it in the air
and make me new
start anew
on the other side of the sun
the place foreign to my eyes
and i swear i will be pure

i ruined it

i wrote it down in ink
but your tears washed it away
there are words trapped in my mouth
honest things i'll never say

i wish you could read my mind
so i didn't have to try so hard
i wish you weren't so stupid and blind
it's a fault i can't deny

you see, i am a captain at sea
giving my life so i can be
that person who will always see
everything i ever wanted to be

but my ship is old and it has sunk
and with it all i've ever loved
so i am alone to start from scratch
... left alone to start from scratch

this time i'll carve it down in stone
leave behind a trail all the way home
hold on for dear life when my time has come
as the words will come spilling out my mouth